Being Honest…wow where to start. Thing is I have never been really good at it, which is something I hate, but like an addict who more than anything wants to kick his/her addiction just can’t seem to get the hang of it.
Until recently that is…
I owe that to radical honesty (a concept my mates and I came up with, more them than me…) Its like this, we are honest about pretty much anything which is the way it’s supposed to be, if you ask me anyway. Random but If you have ever seen the film ‘Invention of Lying’ it’s pretty much like that. It is this sort of utopia where the human race has never evolved the ability to lie, so nobody lies what so ever, Crazy! Right?! There is no such thing as deceit, flattery or fiction people say exactly what they think. Anyway the film starts of with this nerdy guy arriving at a girl’s apartment who is quite frankly out of his league, for a date she begrudgingly agreed to go on but has already made it painfully clear that she is only doing for the free meal and that it is a one time thing only. “Hi” she says as she opens the door “you’re early, I was just masturbating.” “That makes me thing about your vagina, I’m Mark. How are you?” he asks. To which she responds “A little frustrated at the moment, also equally depressed and pessimistic about our date tonight.”
Rough huh?! Lets forget the poor sod, who eventually gets the girl at the end of the movie which is exact what happens as per usual for corny rom-coms. Lets focus on the notion of zero ability to lie, now that’s what really gripped my mates and I…imagine never having to deal with B.S lies. So we implemented it. One night last year during a bro date watching a rom-com. The concept of radical honesty was born. It was all fun and games at the start like “oh V.C you know your ex was like a 5 and not a 7 out 10”.
But as time went by things became more real, you’d find yourself in a deep conversation with your best mates and the urge would come up to lie about anything but then outta nowhere you just pause and be out with the truth.
Or you’d be telling a story and want to maybe hold out on that little secret of yours that changes the whole situation, only to find out that you actually want to tell them, so out with that too. No matter what the reaction would be it was like “well I thought we’re still practising radical honesty” and that would be that no judging (ok maybe just a little judging from my side…) best of all no lies. Refreshing I tell you…
All of a sudden it was like why the need to ever start, don’t get me wrong its not like we went from sinners to saints, cause my ear was on the receiving end of quite a lot of B.S during the beginning stages of radical honesty but Rome was built in a day…yadda yadda yadda. Either way it felt good to have a filter.
I remember my first really big epiphany on the truth amongst friends…My sister Loo was telling me how she had told her friend Fred or George (can’t remember which it is, and yes she is a girl) a white lie. One of those stupid ones like “no I don’t know when the test is” even though you do but you want her to check just to make sure. Not trying to belittle it but it was really a white lie, a lie none the less. Anyway her friend found out some how and was supremely upset. She just couldn’t believe that her friend would even lie to her. DEEP RIGHT?!?! At least I think so, hence it being an epiphany and all. I couldn’t help wanting to feel that way about my mates. Just to be like wow I can’t believe you would lie to me instead of, he is probably lying about that. I’m making it seem like all we did is lie, which is far from it, there was a lot of honesty amongst us just not enough and not where it mattered (it matters everywhere but you know what I mean) So in short we had a problem.
Now Radial honesty was changing all that, putting more meaning into our friendships, making us better people, making us more honest with people we just met or acquaintances. You’d tell them the undiluted truth and screw them if they judged or whatever, wasn’t our problem we did our bit. You felt like you were getting to know people and they were getting to know you.
So I was thinking about truth vs. honesty the other day. I mean being honest is being truthful about a situation, your feelings and whatever else you are being honest about right? And the truth well that is just that…the truth. So now which one does one offer or lean toward when it comes to people in your life. I mean lets be honest here not everyone likes the truth. I mean in a situation where the truth is in short supply and all of sudden receives a massive dose of it, that means change, which another thing many are not a fan of. Whether it is delusions of grandeur, fear of your situation whatever the case is. An injection of the truth means a show down between reality and whatever lie you were telling yourself. A sad thing that, lying to yourself. Trust me I’ve witnessed the effects of that and been a victim a number of times aswell.
Humph It is a challenge being a stand up guy, I wonder How on earth did Honest Ab. (Abraham Lincoln) do it. I smell a rat there, but that is debate for another time.
The way I see it there cannot be one without the other. Trying to offer one without the other (since we are being honest here) is just being dishonest to yourself.
Best I can do is try at all time to be honest with myself and others, I say try because its not that easy. Do-able just not easy so…
People might not like it but its what must be done. You don’t really want friends you can’t be honest with. Not much of a friendship that. (wait is that the pot calling the kettle black…well shut the Fcuk up, I’m almost out of rehab so I can, ok!) So just offer it. Worst case scenario, they get over it, Its just that simple. They will appreciate your honesty sooner or later and eventually you. You, well that’s the up side you’ll love yourself for being the friend/ person you want to/should be. Best Right…
Thanks to Radical Honesty, its a lot easier…Well now you know use it don’t use.
Mad Love
V.C of the KoolKids….
