Beautiful...

My mind in its state of unconsciousness revolves
and reverts like a scratched CD, trapped in a reverie.

In it's state of  consciousness, it clouds my thinking
with visions of a girl possessing features so pleasing to the eye.

To the world she is known as ....... but to me she is sheer natural beauty,
the type of girl any woman would envy.

She has soft brown eyes with passionate exotic pupils that seem to
capture any heart upon which her gaze belays.

Her smile bordered by the candy coated curves of her lips,
the sensuous curvature of her body, the fragrant smell of her skin.
There's no doubt she is the prettiest thing I have ever seen.

...And when she calls my name with her sweet voice, I pretend as though
I never heard, so she can say it over and over again.

She is the true definition of beauty and to find love, I wouldn't look any further....

Tragic Bullshit....

Wrote this poem in 2006, First piece I wrote that thought wasn't completely shit...


It's only dissappointment I feel.
A fcuked up sense of relisation,

That turns my heart into a bulk of steel,
Though only for a moment.

I am incapable of hating you.
I hate myself for it!

Truth  is when I think of you, I am filled with a sense of tranquility.
Scenes of serenity in my head.
The exact opposite of the anarchy I felt before.

I told you I loved you, though only in my head.
Somehow I wish you could've known to say it back,
and raise me from the dead.

Life's not fair, I know that much.
But I never really lived so I guess I'll be ok...

I wish I could have told you.
That you're a realisation of a dream.

You're gone now, and you'll never know just what those words mean.

Now ain't that some tragic bullshit?
Yup, the worst I've ever seen.

The first thing of beauty that actually made me cry..

I have always said that my my little sister and my mother are to thank for every ounce of good in me...
This is no lie! 

Here is a poem she wrote for me before I left South Africa to work abroad...

I will not cry as the current takes you from me

The ocean whispers sweet promises to me

As I watch the back and forth movements of the water

I am assured you will find your way back to me

And once again my heart will find peace



My sun will be your sun

In the day it watches over me for you

In my night it returns back to you, my sweet

While it’s with you, please know I am safe

For the moon has come to take its place



My heart and yours have merged as one

No way to tell which parts are yours, and which are mine

Yet at this moment we’re far apart

The distance has done nothing to harm

The special place you have in me

I’ll listen to the oceans promise

And once again my heart will find peace

- from a little sister to her big brother

I love you Loo! 

The Koolest Kid I know ;)

Live Free, Fast And Never Dying Young

So they say you are the sum of your experiences and nothing determines who we will become as those things we chose to ignore…Sandor Mcna said that one. Point is I cant express how much I agree with both of these sentiments.
Its often too easy to take a look at one’s life  and dismiss It as boring or lacking the substance that that particular individual desires and blah blah blah *insert complaints of discontentment here*. Hold your horses before you decide to banish this as the senseless ramblings of a man who is entirely content with status of his life. Just those of man who knows there is room for improvement in his and definitely yours. Yes you with the stupid sceptical look on your face, thinking “what the fcuk does he know ‘bout my life”.

Back to the point of your life not being as interesting as you would like. I mean take a second to look the things that define you as a person. The sum of your experiences right? Myself for instance I survived disease with 80% mortality rate, studying in the shit hole, being completely and unilaterally  written off by a father who was a major factor in me losing a mother to whom I owe all that is good in me. ..those are just off the top of my head with very little effort. Hell I’m sure there is best seller or a multi million rand blockbuster somewhere in there. Pretty sure there is one in the story of your life too.

What does this have to do with living free and fast you ask? Well I’m only twenty-four. Yet I’m at a point where one does more self reflection than normal. Which is more than most, the type of thing that makes you start a blog cause you are under the illusion that you have something to say. Looking at my day to day life which is filled with me liking things. Literally alcohol, sex, drugs and the good music (’’,) not to mention BMF (blowing money fast), the emotional recklessness that my mates and I constantly put ourselves through dreaming big, taking the risks to get the biscuit. I say its pretty free and at time recklessly fast but what do I know, to be honest I really don’t care only God can judge me. I am of the opinion that one must be brave, take risks for nothing can substitute of experience. In this life where it is both great and terrible, short and endless none of us come out if it alive. My excuse for living so reckless and living too damn close to the edge is that I’m old enough to know better and young enough to not give a fcuk!

Therein lies the other side of the coin…Like Sandor Mcna said the things we chose to ignore will have a hand in determining who we will become. Which begs the question especially for myself. Have I chosen to ignore all the things that would have a role in moulding me into “good” person. You know the stand-up guys your parents dream you will on day become. Nope not at all. Not to mention the person who your parents want you to be is really irrelevant, for all that matters is who you want to be. Well me, I’m rather happy with the man I am. Simply because while I have undoubtedly decided to embrace a total balls to the walls approach to life.

Oh well cheers to life!

('',)

Regards VC

The 4 Letter Word

Yeah you all knew it was coming the four letter word which causes all of us to act out of the ordinary, twist our emotions and quite frankly just cause havoc in the lives of those who tripped, busted their lips and fell in LOVE.
Yes ladies and gentlemen LOVE.
The tricky part about this emotion/feeling/curse and blessing is that it means something different to everyone. To some it is all romance, you know butterflies in the tummy, the taking away of breath and such. And to others it is more the practical i.e. sacrifice, patience dedication etc. Heck pain is love to others! (not too sure about that one but anyway…)

That just leaves me with the question of what those four letters mean to you…and I have come to the conclusion that Love to me is a word of infinite meaning. It is the romantic, the practical, the passionate and whatever else is relevant. Hold your horses before you send me to the murkydepths for trying to sound deep and what not. Think about it, the way I see it, is that Love simply can not something that can be define by a single idea/notion. Take for instance the people that see love as pain…They see it as just that. Simply put they left out the romance and practical bits out and we just can’t have that can we.

I don’t claim to the man who wrote the book on love. Hell I’m not even sure if I have ever been TRULY in love which always seems to trouble me and I not even sure if it happened that way because of me, yet luckily I managed to keep my wits about me (“,). To be honest nothing sums up my knowledge, view, and or opinion about people truly in love than this quote “I want to witness love, I’ve never seen it close”. Kinda tragic really…
That being said the above are my views on the matter which I believe to be right and until I am convinced otherwise by some brilliant argument, they will remain as such.

The reason I say I’m not truly sure if I’ve ever been truly been in love with someone is I believe there to be a big…no wait actually a huge difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. If you follow you will realise you love your siblings, parents, your mates and blah blah blah…you get the picture. Being in love with someone, ok well we don’t need Sherlock Holmes to deduce what that means. There is only one at a time. Fact.

Now comes the part where the four letters of LOVE are overwhelmed by the sheer power and influence of its 3 word, 8 letter 1st cousin. I LOVE YOU. Lets take a second to marvel at its sheer power. WOW
The things I and I’m pretty sure the rest of you have seen happen simply due the utterance of these 3 words. Countless men have sent running towards the hills never to be seen again, women lost to the padded rooms of sanatoriums across the globe. The stories are endless, the badass who gets his act together cause he has fallen (another one bites the dust), headstrong-moral girls born with chastity belts bedded because someone lied and uttered I love you.

Can you blame them?! I mean what do you do when someone tells you that they love you?! Is there even a correct protocol for this type thing. Honesty I believe you fell in love with a person long before you first told them, which just sets the scene for something messy to take place, should he/she not respond in the manner you wished they would. What does mean for a relationship. I mean love is supposed to be forever, or is it…Hmmm.

People I would not recommend telling your friends you love them too often, from time to time they happen to take it wrong way. As the V.C of the KoolKids I can unequivocally state that, that’s not kool.

So now this bit took me really really long to write just cause the above seven paragraphs can’t begin to sum up the matter. I mean I’ve discussed what it means to me and some of the effects of what I’ve seen happen when this gift and curse is expressed to a significant other either verbally or otherwise.

What I’ve noticed during the countless conversations I’ve had about the matter with the important people in my life is, the different lengths with people are willing to go to find love. I mean considering that the ‘reward’ is supposed to be worth the effort and then some. One would think that a person would go to the depths of hell and beyond to find love.  One would think…though in my experience this is hardly ever the case. Among the people I know. This begs the question…Should it  really be that hard if its meant to be?!  Then again I believe anything worth having is worth fighting/working for. Let me explain what I mean when I say among the people I know. Truth is the woman my friends fall in love with (seeing as how I don’t have much expertise in the matter) always seem to require the utmost effort and sacrifice and I don’t use that term loosely. I’m talking moving across continents to be with one another, ending of long term friendships that are toxic to said relationship, etc. More often than not these unions don’t work out. I honestly believe that it wasn’t not meant to be just that the timing was so awfully wrong that the amount of effort required realistically was not possible. That word “realism” has no place in realm of love most of time, which adds a bit of insult to injury.

Really is a crying shame when you think of what could have been. I am of the sternest belief that regret is by far the worst emotion one can experience! Hell could be 5 years down the line and you still thinking what if…how shit is that?! Throw caution to wind and go for it no matter what the possible risks? I don’t know if I could, even after all that I’ve said but if that was a facebook page I’d click like a thousand times.

Either way some of the best advice I’ve received was not to life for it tragedies but for its many beauties. Lets toast to all people fortunate enough to find love  and lets leave it that…

V.C

Radical honesty

Being Honest…wow where to start. Thing is  I have never been really good at it, which is something I hate, but like an addict who more than anything wants to kick his/her addiction just can’t seem to get the hang of it.

Until recently that is…

I owe that to radical honesty (a concept my mates and I came up with, more them than me…) Its like this, we are honest about pretty much anything which is the way it’s supposed to be, if you ask me anyway. Random but If you have ever seen the film ‘Invention of Lying’ it’s pretty much like that. It is this sort of utopia where the human race has never evolved the ability to lie, so nobody lies what so ever, Crazy! Right?! There is no such thing as deceit, flattery or fiction people say exactly what they think. Anyway the film starts of with this nerdy guy arriving at a girl’s apartment  who is quite frankly out of his league, for a date she begrudgingly agreed to go on but has already made it painfully clear that she is only doing for the free meal and that it is a one time thing only. “Hi” she says as she opens the door “you’re early, I was just masturbating.” “That makes me thing about your vagina, I’m Mark. How are you?” he asks. To which she responds “A little frustrated at the moment, also equally depressed and pessimistic about our date tonight.”

Rough huh?! Lets forget the poor sod, who eventually gets the girl at the end of the movie which is exact what happens as per usual for corny rom-coms. Lets focus on the notion of zero ability to lie, now that’s what really gripped my mates and I…imagine never having to deal with B.S lies. So we implemented it. One night last year during a bro date watching a rom-com. The concept of radical honesty was born. It was all fun and games at the start like “oh V.C you know your ex was like a 5 and not a 7 out 10”.

But as time went by things became more real, you’d find yourself in a deep conversation with your best mates and the urge would come up to lie about anything but then outta nowhere you just pause and be out with the truth.

Or you’d be telling a story and want to maybe hold out on that little secret of yours that changes the whole situation, only to find out that you actually want to tell them, so out with that too. No matter what the reaction would be it was like “well I thought we’re still practising radical honesty” and that would be that no judging (ok maybe just a little judging from my side…) best of all no lies. Refreshing I tell you…

All of a sudden it was like why the need to ever start, don’t get me wrong its not like we went from sinners to saints, cause my ear was on the receiving end of quite a lot of B.S during the beginning stages of radical honesty but Rome was built in a day…yadda yadda yadda. Either way it felt good to have a filter.

I remember my first really big epiphany on the truth amongst friends…My sister Loo was telling me how she had told her friend Fred or George (can’t remember which it is, and yes she is a girl) a white lie. One of those stupid ones like “no I don’t know when the test is” even though you do but you want her to check just to make sure. Not trying to belittle it but it was really a white lie, a lie none the less. Anyway her friend found out some how and was supremely upset. She just couldn’t believe that her friend would even lie to her. DEEP RIGHT?!?! At least I think so, hence it being an epiphany and all. I couldn’t help wanting to feel that way about my mates. Just to be like wow I can’t believe you would lie to me instead of, he is probably lying about that. I’m making it seem like all we did is lie, which is far from it, there was a lot of honesty amongst us just not enough and not where it mattered (it matters everywhere but you know what I mean) So in short we had a problem.

Now Radial honesty was changing all that, putting more meaning into our friendships, making us better people, making us more honest with people we just met or acquaintances. You’d tell them the undiluted truth and screw them if they judged or whatever, wasn’t our problem we did our bit. You felt like you were getting to know people and they were getting to know you.

So I was thinking about truth vs. honesty the other day. I mean being honest is being truthful about a situation, your feelings and whatever else you are being honest about right? And the truth well that is just that…the truth. So now which one does one offer or lean toward when it comes to people in your life. I mean lets be honest here not everyone likes the truth. I mean in a situation where the truth is in short supply and all of sudden receives a massive dose of it, that means change, which another thing many are not a fan of. Whether it is delusions of grandeur, fear of your situation whatever the case is. An injection of the truth means a show down between reality and whatever lie you were telling yourself. A sad thing that, lying to yourself. Trust me I’ve witnessed the effects of that and been a victim a number of times aswell.

Humph It is a challenge being a stand up guy, I wonder How on earth did Honest Ab. (Abraham Lincoln) do it. I smell a rat there, but that is debate for another time.

The way I see it  there cannot be one without the other. Trying to offer one without the other (since we are being honest here) is just being dishonest to yourself.

Best I can do is try at all time to be honest with myself and others, I say try because its not that easy. Do-able just not easy so…

People might not like it but its what must be done. You don’t really want friends you can’t be honest with. Not much of a friendship that. (wait is that the pot calling the kettle black…well shut the Fcuk up, I’m almost out of rehab so I can, ok!) So just offer it. Worst case scenario, they get over it, Its just that simple. They will appreciate your honesty sooner or later and eventually you. You, well that’s the up side you’ll love yourself for being the friend/ person you want to/should be. Best Right…

Thanks to Radical Honesty, its a lot easier…Well now you know use it don’t use.

Mad Love

V.C of the KoolKids….

Happiness…(Or the pursuit of it anyway)

The dictionary definition of Happiness: A state of mind characterized by contentment, love, pleasure, satisfaction or joy. Truth be told kinda sounds overrated to me.

This is the most sought after state of mind the human race has ever seen. Which is precisely  why it annoys me so. It is exactly that, sought after! You‘d think after millions and millions of years of evolution we would have figured out how to attain it…In this rat race that is life we all want the cheese at the end of the maze. Shitty thing is when we eventually get there and sink our teeth into that piece of yellow delight, savouring every morsel to that last bite. When we are done all that’s left is fleeting memory of this “state of mind”, the daunting task to find another piece of fcuking cheese at the end of another maze and not to mention a stool after your digestive system is done with it…Nice.

Enough with the bleak stuff. Goodness me is it good when you do get the end of that maze,  The feelings you experience due to all the endofrins and what not secreted by your brain is like none other. The question is how do you attain everlasting happiness?! Well according to the dictionary, you have to go in search of contentment, love, pleasure, joy and what not.

OK fine seeing as how that’s what we got to work with we might as well run with this guideline. Contentment, well that easy, I cant be content unless I’m happy and I cant be happy unless I’m content. (that was a quick and decisive FAIL). Love, well now that’s a doozy. Seeing as how people are always falling into and out of love, it offers no solution to the everlasting part…(FAIL, again) Pleasure, now that not so difficult, for example I get pleasure from a nice wank. (Don’t you dare judge me, you all do it too!) I get pleasure form a lot of other thing to but to illustrate my point I chose this. ( so somewhat of a success here, no?)  Joy, another easy one. I get so much joy from watching, watching Man Utd thoroughly outplay and thump Liverfool FC. (another success, ok so we’re getting somewhere here). 

Ok, so back to the bigger picture here, from the above to attain everlasting happiness . I would essentially have to be a football watching, wanker who is hopeless in love with some broad for the rest of my days. Don’t know about you to me that equals EPIC FAIL!…Hacked! 

Today the most agreed upon way to achieve happiness is self  realization no?

How does one do that when human beings are inherently most ‘themselves’ when  they are least aware of themselves. Then who the hell or what are we?!

What is it that we are aware of? Or are we just conscience? And no they are not the same thing or some form of the other…Hear me out here. Awareness is not a form of consciousness. Consciousness means you are in a state of mind to allow awareness. Awareness is more specific because you can pin point things that being aware causes you to notice. Either way we aware of something. Which draws us away from your core/true self and in doing so away from being truly happy. Your core self allows for creativity and self  expression without mental or emotional conditioning. Hence Being ‘unaware’ draws you nearer to your true nature and self realization = happiness right? So basically all human beings are their true selves, identifiable by what they do, when they are unaware.

Either way no matter how unattainable everlasting happiness may be. I for one and I’m damn sure the rest of the human race will continue to pursue it because the cheese at the end of the maze  just tastes too fucking good not to ….